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SM0KBW

SM0KBW

Well-Known Member
Med hänsyn till nyligen avslutade(?) debatten om kunskapsnivån för nya amatörer.

Dessa historier kräver nog lite mer än grundskolekunskaper.


Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first says, "I'll have a beer."
The second says, "I'll have half a beer."
The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer."

The bartender pulls out just two beers.

The mathematicians ask, "Is that all you're giving us?"
The bartender replies, "Come on guys. Know your limits."



An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician were on a train heading north for mental rehab,
and had just crossed the border into Wales.

The engineer looked out of the window and said "Look! Welsh sheep are black!"

The physicist said, "No, no. Some Welsh sheep are black."

The mathematician looked irritated. "There is at least one field, containing at least one sheep,
of which at least one side is black."




Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.

The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"

The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have
anything in the trunk.

"A cat," Schrödinger replies.

The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."

Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
 
Ytterligare några fysiska skämt...


A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender: "How much for a beer?" The bartender says: "For you, no charge."

A proton walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender asks, "are you sure you don't want beer?"
The proton replies, "I'm positive!"
 
En variant på den sista är

"Two atoms are walking down the road. Suddenly one says
- Oh no, I lost an electron!
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm positive!


Och för att en gång för alla sätta nivån på skämten tar jag följande:

Two antennas got married. The ceremony was awful, but the reception excellent.

Bring'em on!
 
Och nu lite reglerteknikshumor:

"A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through
the Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour.
The tour guide anounces:

'On the right of the airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle
Falls.'

The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the
windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic imbalance,
and the plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall.
All aboard are lost.

The moral to this episode is: Always keep your poles off the right side of the plane"

73/
Karl-Arne
SM0AOM
 
Kanske även en del programmerarhunor:

"There are only 10 types of people in the world:
Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

och

"- Varför blandar programmerare alltid ihop halloween och julen?
- För att OCT(31) = DEC(25)"

Och för att avsluta lite analyshumor:

"De två funktionerna x och e^x var ute och gick då
de fick syn på en differentialoperator.

Funktionen x blev då jätterädd att den skulle bli
deriverad och bara bli 1, eller ännu värre inte bli
någonting och helt försvinna om den blev utsatt flera gånger
för differentialoperatorn.

När x ville gå, sa e^x kaxigt, jag går fram och gör
upp. Han kan derivera mig hur många gånger som
helst utan att det gör något, jag förblir densamme.

När e^x kommer fram är det sista han hör.
- Det är jag som är d/dt."

73/
Karl-Arne
SM0AOM
 
På Transportverket tycks man räkna fel på många miljarder.
Tågnätet verkar vara betydligt mer nerslitet än vad som först antagits.

Men, jag kan inte förstå att man fortfarande skyller på växelfel.
Det är ju länge sedan man hanterade kontanter.:confused:
 
SM0AOM said:
Och nu lite reglerteknikshumor:

"A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through
the Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour.
The tour guide anounces:

'On the right of the airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle
Falls.'

The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the
windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic imbalance,
and the plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall.
All aboard are lost.

The moral to this episode is: Always keep your poles off the right side of the plane"

73/
Karl-Arne
SM0AOM
Click to expand...


Makabert!

Det var så John-Olle Persson (AMS) och alla ombord miste livet vid inflygningen till Oskarshamn.
 
One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.”
As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself.
When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!”.

// Åke
 
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a university
chemistry exam. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle´s Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyll´s Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving
only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting Oh my God.

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY A
 
Och nu lite partikelfysik:

"A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church, but the preacher says
"Get out of here, you are a disgrace; you call yourself the ‘God particle' when there is only one true God!"
The Higgs Boson replies:
"Well if I am not here, how can you have mass?"

73/
Karl-Arne
SM0AOM
 
Eller den här, apropå första inlägget:

Limit.jpg

Denna är inte heller så illa:

"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Rotate phone 90 degrees and try again."

73/
Karl-Arne
SM0AOM
 
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Den här tråden kittlar verkligen göteborgaren i mig :)

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
 
Nobelpristagarna i fysik,biologi och kemi på sin bilfärdfärd genom landskapet råkade köra på och döda torpare Nilssons tupp. De stannade och knackade på hos torparen med beklagan om det inträffade samt sitt genmäle att de gärna ville ersätta tuppen. Det går bra det sa Nilsson! - Hönsgården är där borta!
 
Det har varit stiltje ett tag, så ett matematiskt skämt med biblisk anknytning kanske kan få upp farten:

"When Noah sends his animals to go forth and multiply,
a pair of snakes replies: “We can't multiply, we're adders”
- so Noah builds them a log table."

73/
Karl-Arne
SM0AOM
 
Vi roade oss på universitetets studentpub med att ta fram en formel för relativ berusningsgrad.
Minns inte formeln, men den skall finnas i någon pärm. Skall leta lite.
Under tiden kanske någon av våra skarpsinnade kollegor här har en lösning ?

:)
 
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PS. Amatörradio räknas inte till Hobbies. Det är en livsstil. ;-)
PS2. Christian, det finns ju appar för det nu. Om du inte kan köra appen är du "of scale". Bara att gå o lägga sig.
 
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" Varför ser Du så utmattad ut?" ------ "Jag träffade en brud i går och sa: Fröken lilla jag är sändaramatör, skall vi gå hem till mig och ha en trådlös förbindelse ----- och det fick vi"!
 
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